I made it through another day of no bread, sweets, or swearing. But I did some thinking today, serious thinking. I attended a funeral of one of the ministers who pass away at my church. And during this I just was going to go to pay my respects to family and him. As the service started I began to sense something. He was a behind the scenes man who was a servant of the Lord. He has passion for what he did, not just for him, but for God. He knew the assignment that God gave him, and he fulfill it. And the whole time that I'm sitting there, I was wondering what Have I done for the Lord?. I know he has a purpose for me, but he has not yet reveal it to me. I feel like I'm spiritually stuck, like I cannot use my gifts or anything. I have racing spirit that is ready, but doesn't know what to do. I want to be use by guy, and help all people. Not just one group but all groups. We do not know the day or hour when God will call us home. Are we doing what he has call us to do, or are we simply running away because we are afraid. I think I'm afraid of what he has born me to do, because I don't want to mess up, or fail him. Or do I want to accept the responsibility of being chosen do great things for his people. So during these next thirty some odd days, I will be listening and being still. I want to have legacy when I leave, I want to impact person lives, I want them to be better than me. I just don't want to be another ordinary person in the crowd among men. I want more to offer to the people. I keep telling myself that I don't want my younger nieces, or younger generation to grow up in a time like we are. I want them to have it better, to know that God will help them. I don't know what purpose is, but he does. And the one thing learn from the funeral today was that we all need to slow down, and be still and not try to get some place that we are clearly mature or ready to handle. In due season we will, but God has to work on us, and build us up.
"You have to have a place of serenity to escape the place of chaos"